26 February 2009

Triplet

So, here's my TOP poem for this week. I don't think that it's quite good enough to post, but any comments, criticisms, etcetera are greatly appreciated. I took a leaf out of one of the examples "I am waiting" by Lawrence Ferlinghetti and did my own "I am waiting" type poem. It really turned into three separate poems, but they all kinda take from the previous "stanza," so I wasn't sure whether to separate them or not, so I didn't.
Here you go.



Triplet


I am waiting for a love
A love so pure and delicate
that is stronger
than diamonds
and I am waiting for a heart
A heart that won’t break
at the slightest breeze
and I am waiting for kisses
Kisses that are so sweet
that they sweep
me off my feet
and I am waiting for a life
A life that isn’t molded
by someone else’s intentions
and I am desperately waiting
So patiently
for these things
that never seem to come


I have had love
that was lost
and I have had a heart
that has broken
and I have had sweet kisses
that have soured
and I have had a life
that wasn’t mine


I am living
in a lie
and I am living
in a dream
and I am living
in a madness
created by loss
and dreams
and lies

6 comments:

Tumblewords: said...

This is lovely - the emotion resonates with me, for sure. There's something wonderful about posting drafts. Each time I see mine in a different 'eye' it lends another idea for edit... This is so nicely done...

anthonynorth said...

The story of most people's lives. Excellent words. But I suppose, if we don't get out and try, get hurt, we'll never find the right one.

Andy Sewina said...

I'm still waiting for kisses that sweep me off my feet - I guess I'm dreaming too!

I think you caught the mood of the times here!

Cassiopeia Rises said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cassiopeia Rises said...

I think this was just perfect. We all wait. I have know sweet kisses and was swept away long ago. In life nothing stays the same. We all travel on a river of emotions. Well done.
Maybe someday I'll learn to type. :-)

love-bd

Linda Jacobs said...

I like how the first stana's line are long and then the stanzas get progressively narrower mirroring your feelings!

I lilke this poem a lot!